I can't love him!
by Crazycat2424
Summary: Stupid Potter and His stupid hair and his stupid voice and his stupid body and his stupid... Him! A Story that follows Lily as she discovers her feelings about James while the war starts to make its way towards Hogwarts and its 7th year students.
1. What is wrong with me?

**AN: I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS STORY FOR A WHILE, JUST HAD A MISSIVE WRITERS BLOCK**

 **ITS NOT THE BEST BUT I'VE ENJOYED WRITTINGIT.**

 **EVERY CHAPTER IS ALREADY WRITTEN, IT JUST NEEDS POSTING.**

 **I HOPE YOU ENJOY**

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Stupid Potter and His stupid hair and his stupid voice and his stupid body and his stupid... Him!

What is wrong with me? James Potter… handsome? Nope, never! Couldn't be.

This was all just stupid lust after the blasted towel incident last week. If he would just learn to take his clothes to the bathroom instead of feeling the need to air dry none of this would be happening.

And now. And now he has the nerve to sit there, right in front of me. When I'm trying to concentrate!

"Lily? Evans!"

"What?" I snap up, "oh it's just you. What do you want?"

"Professor told us we need to start practicing which I would get started on unless you want a detention."

I nod completely unable to form any words. He smiles as he turns to walk away and it gives me butterfl- What? Where on earth did that come from?

"What charm are we doing?" i asked Alice when i reach her.

'Seriously, what is wrong with you? you always listen but lately…" she left it open but i knew what she meant and what she wants to know, I'm just not going to tell her.

"I'm just tired you know. Lots of work and not a lot of time to relax." She nods but I know she doesn't believe me, but i have no clue what is going on at the moment.

"We're doing aguamenti by the way."

I smile at her and get to work trying to fill my glass with water.


	2. Dumbledores wedding rejection?

**AN: THIS CHAPTER IS LONGER**

 **SORRY ABOUT THE LAST ONE IT WAS JUST TO GET THE STORY GOING**

 **HOPE YOU ENJOY**

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"Come on Lily. Just come this once." My old roommates beg.

"No, I've got homework to do. I will not waste my Saturday because of a stupid sport."

They all sigh and start to leave but before I can even blink an eye all of them have grabbed me and Alice has taken my wand from my hand, "and you can have that back once you've come to the game with us."

I groan and roll over, my whole plan is to stay away from Potter not attend one of his ego feeding games. He's been distracting me and I have no clue as to why.

"Fine but I'm not staying the entire game." They all cheer and start pulling me towards the door.

So here I am, crushed between my friends and the entire of the Gryffindor house and I already want to leave.

Just as I turn to ask if I can go the commentary starts, "and here we are on the final of the quidditch house cup. Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff! It's a close match so this game decided it all.

"Lily? Hey Lily" I look over my shoulder to see Remus making his way over to me, "I thought you said you would never waste your time coming to a game!" He shouts over the roar from the crowd as the player walk onto the pitch.

"I don't want to be here but the idiots next to me stole my wand and I only get it back by coming to one of these things."

Remus just laughs and turns his attention to the pitch. I know Remus likes the sport but is not crazy about it and is probably only here to support Black and Potter.

"Where's Peter? I thought he normally came with you to these things." I ask just as the player start to rise into the air.

"He normally does but he got jinxed on the way over here and has gone to the medical wing." I nod my head in understanding, I know the slytherins like to pick of Peter.

I turn back to the game just as the quaffle is realist and James races forward and grabs it.

"And Potter has the quaffle and passes it to Ethans. Back to Potter. Passes over to Whittle, she going at full speed, she shoots and no blocked by Filcher."

The game goes on and after an hour the score is 80-100 to Gryffindor.

Try as I might I just can't pull my eyes off Potter, the way he moves on a broom it's almost like he was born for it.

It takes another hour before the seekers see the snitch, "and they've seen it, so close neck and neck but oh Thomas is hit by a bludger sent by Black. And yes Gryffindor wins 140-360.

Everyone is cheering and grabbing each other. I feel suffocated but thankfully Remus and Alice grab my arms and pull me out.

Once we're down on the pitch I'm pulled once more into the celebrations.

Eventually everything calms down and Alice runs off to find her boyfriend Frank.

"Come on!" Remus calls me over, "party in the common room." I shake my head but follow him.

We're half way up the path to the castle when suddenly Remus is on the floor with Sirius on top of him. "We won! Can you believe this Moony we actually won!"

They start to roll around fighting on the floor and I watch trying to not laugh, "it's funny how childish he is sometime."

I jump when I hear his voice, "I don't know how Remus puts up with you both."

"You've wounded me Evans." He staggers like he's been hit and I roll my eyes, "but what is little miss 'you will never see me at one of those time wasting, ego inflating, brain cell killing quidditch games' doing at a game?"

"I didn't choose to," I turn to look up at him curse him for being so tall, "my friends stole my wand and wouldn't give it back unless I came."

"Arrrrr" he looks at me before turning to his friends, "oy you two, if your done I think we could stop acting like three year olds."

I look at him sharply - since when was Potter the responsible one?

"You coming?" He shouts over his shoulder and I snap back into reality.

"Yeah" I call. Merlin I need help.

* * *

The party's wild, crazy and jam packed with every Gryffindor.

I see Black set off some sort of prank and vow to stay away from that area.

I scan the crowd more and I see Remus sitting with Peter and Frank talking animatedly with them. Only Merlin knows what about.

My eye carry on its path and I see Potter there with what seems to be a first year girl who is looking panicked by the loud noises flying around the room.

He kneels down to the girl's height and I see him try and reassure her before he stands up and starts to lead her to the girls staircase.

I lose them in the crowd but what I just witnessed flashes through my mind again and again. Potter kind and helpful. What is this?

"Hey!"

It's Alice who breaks me out of my trance, "come on loosen up Lily. Have a drink."

She pushes a glass of fire whiskey into my hands before dragging me over to Frank.

She sits down on his lap and I sit on the sofa by myself.

"What you all talking about?" Alive shouts.

"We were just trying to choose our favourite subjects when Peter said he liked lunch best to which we told him is not a subject but he won't listen." Remus explains clearly exasperated.

"I don't know why you keep trying moony!" Potter announces as he takes a seat next to me. "Sorry" he adds quickly as he bumps into my shoulder.

Peter is laughing, obviously happy at Remus' annoyed state.

Soon enough conversation leads onto other things and I find myself relaxing next to James - damn it Potter!

"Wait you did what?" I laugh. Sirius has joined us while frank and Alice have left to find a quiet corner.

"We were bored!" Jam- Potter says in defence.

"When I'm bored I read a book or play a game of exploding snap. I don't plan a wedding for professor Dumbledore and professor Mcgonagall." I try to keep a disapproving frown on my face but I can't hold it any longer and I burst out laughing.

"How did they react?" I ask looking up at Ja -Potter.

"Well Minnie was not impressed at her choice of wedding dress however Dumbledore actually got on one knee and tried to get Minnie to say I do. And then when she rejected him he walked around in those robes for a week looking sad.

"Wait!" I remember something, "that's what that was about!" I almost shout and burst out in another wave of laughter.

"I never thought I'd see the day where Lily Flower laughs at one of our pranks." Black declares jumping up, "well I will take leave before someone tries to ruin this bright day."

Peter laughs at Sirius but also jumps up, "night moony. Night prongs. Night Lily" he mumbles before heading over to the boys staircase.

I see a lot of people are starting to head to bed but for once I don't want to join them. I've had a great time and either way I know I have to stay up and make sure nothing gets too wild until either everyone comes to bed or professor mcgonagall comes to tell everyone to go to bed.

Remus, Potter and I talk for about an hour talking about which subject is the best. I say charms whereas Remus argues for DADA and potter takes on transfigurations.

Soon enough Remus gets tired and heads off to bed.

"Well it looks like Minnie won't be coming to tell everyone to go to bed tonight." Potter says looking around.

I do too and I see that most people have gone to bed meaning that professor McGonagall won't be coming to send everyone to bed and James and I will have to stay up for even longer.

"Guess we better get comfortable then."

We try to keep on talking but eventually I feel my eyelids drooping and soon enough I'm asleep.


	3. Realisation

**AN: SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN THE PAST TWO DAYS, I HAD TO GO TO THE HOPSITAL BUT ITS ALL FINE NOW**

 **HOPE YOU ENJOY**

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"What do you think their reactions will be when they wake up."

"I don't know but I know we won't want to be in here."

Slowly as I wake up I can hear a few voices here and there but I mainly chose to ignore them. I'm warm wrapped in the warmest blanket and I snuggle myself into the blanket even more.

Finally I feel my bones protesting and I have to start moving. It's only then that I realise the blanket is also moving around as well.

Slowly I open one eye only to realise I have my face pressed into something really comfortable so won't be able to see anything. Pulling back slightly I see that it's not a blanket but a person and not just any person but Jam- Potter!

I jump back but part of me protests. "Lily I'm so sorry I must have fallen asleep I really didn't mean to." I look up at Potter and see his face, he looks so apologetic.

"No J- Potter it's fine I fell asleep as well." I reply before peeling myself off the chair and heading towards the girl's staircase.

What is wrong with me? I was so warm and comfortable. This isn't meant to be happening, I was meant to stay away from James not get closer. Damn it.

"Hey Lily you ready?" Alice asks.

"Yeah just give me a minute" I tell her as a brush through my dark red hair.

"What are you still doing here? I thought I was meeting you at the library." I question Alice as I see her sitting on my bed.

"No. Do not say anything until I've said what I've got to say." Alice looks a little angry and confused so I sit down.

"What's up?" I question as I sit down although I've got a very good idea.

"What's up? What the hell was that? You just fell asleep with James. You can't stand being in the same room with him never mind the same sofa." She's pacing the room but I can't look up at her, she's asking the same questions I have the whole morning. "And then you don't shout at him. This is so not you. You smiled. Smiled! When he apologised and then said sorry yourself. What's going on?"

I can tell she is looking at me but I can't answer her.

"Do you like him?" Quicker than I've ever moved before in my life my head snaps up.

"No." I shout but it sounds more of a question.

"You do!" She shouts jumping around to face me.

"No!" I shout again turning away, "of course I don't. I don't. I really don't!"

I'm shaking my head trying to clear it - I really can't like him. Sure he's a better human being this year but like him as in LIKE HIM? No. No I can't.

I feel Alice's hand on my shoulder and an too confused to protest against her turning me.

"I can't. I can't like him he's Potter." I'm mumbling but I can't stop, I can't like him. I don't like him.

"Lily calm down."

"I don't know Alice. I really don't. Recently he's just been kind and caring and helpful and I like spending time with him. I like how his pranks don't harm people anymore. I like how he is trying harder with his school work. I love how hard he tries at quidditch, not just himself but the team, I love how he looks out for them. I love how his eye light up in transfigurations. I love how loyal he is to his friends. I love how he smells. I love how he puts others first, like the other month when he got detention for being late because that kid needed taking to the hospital wing. I love how despite the changes he is still the same fun loving James."

I've been looking down the whole time I talked about how much I liked James. I take a breath to carry on and I look up to Alice- she looks like she's been hit by a bus.

"Alice?" I'm scared.

"You do like him. You love him!"

"What? Love! When have I ever said I loved anything about James - damn it Potter?" I'm almost shouting. Love? Nope.

"Lily most of that speech you were saying love." Alice explains slowly as she lowers me down to a seat, "and you called him James."

Love. The idea that i love Jame- Potter just makes me feel…. I don't know. "Alice help me please. I can't love Jame- Potter I really can't." I'm begging.

"Why can't you?" Alice questions kneeling down in front of me.

"It's James. I mean we are completely different." And then I remember, "And he's gotten over me."

"What? Gotten over you? That boy has loved you since 3rd year. How on earth has he gotten over you?"

"You must have noticed. He doesn't ask me out anymore, or try to talk to me. He never tries to play with my hair or ask to borrow unnecessary things anymore. He's gotten over me." As I say it I feel tear prickle the back of my eyes. Damn it - I do love him.

"That's because you always told him not to. He's still the same lovesick James but he tries to do it from a distance so he doesn't bother you anymore." Alice explains, "I think it use to really hurt him when you rejected him so he stopped asking."

I feel my heart contract in my heart, "I hurt him. Of course he doesn't want to go out with me if i always hurt him. What kind of heartless person am I?" I ask before I can't hold my tears back anymore.

Alice engulfs me into a hug but I hardly feel it I'm so numb.

"Lily calm down" Alice soothes, "you're not heartless you just never realised."

I pull back to look at her, "and this nonsense about him not wanting to go out with you. Are you blind lily? Do you not see the way he looks at you? I'm sure Dumbledore and McGonagall have already planned the wedding with all the looks he gives you." She's quiet for a moment, "saying that I can't believe I haven't noticed before. The way you have been looking at him through class or blushing when he talks to you."

"What do I do?" I have no clue what to do anymore. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and eat ice cream.

"You're going to carry on as normal." Alice says jumping to her feet, "and that means studying."


	4. Bellatrix?

**AN: THIS CHAPTER IS GOING TO SHOW THE WAR IN FULL SWING**

 **TIRED NOT TO MAKE IT TOO DARK BUT I MAY CHANGE IT LATER**

 **HOPE YOU LIKE IT**

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It's almost been two weeks since I realised I loved James and it's been difficult. I try not to look at him for too long or blush when he speaks to me but I can't help it and I think people are standing to notice.

With the looks Sirius has been sending me, I don't even have to guess that he know. And I'm scared.

I'm walking down the corridor when I stop to look out the window. It's late, me and James are about to finish our patrols for the night so we decided to split up to finish them quicker.

It's so peaceful as I look over the forbidden Forest. I wonder what adventures/trouble students have gotten up to in those woods.

I pull myself out of my daydream as I hear some students coming my way, "stop. You should all be in bed." I shout.

"Oh shut up you stupid Mudblood." Bellatrix? She left school 3 years ago. What is she doing here?

"Leave right now." I shout no point in making threats when there are 6 of them and only one of me.

"Really?" She laughs, "what if I say no?" She walks forward twisting her wand around in her hand and a mad look to her eye.

I try to back away but there's a wall in the way and all six of them surround me.

"Come on Mudblood. What are you doing to do? Tell your little headmaster. Go for it. See if you can get to him." They all laugh.

I raise my wand, "she wants to play." She laughs before firing a spell.

I block it but just a quickly she fires another, and another. Giving me no time to do anything but block the spells she's sending me.

I'm doing fine until I see a red light coming my way. I try to dive out of the way but I'm surrounded with nowhere to go.

Pain like nothing else in the world attacks my body from all side. Like hot knives yanking my skin away from my body and twisting it around my insides all that the same time.

I want it to end but all I can't do is scream.

Then suddenly it stops, my body is realised from the torture but is so sore I can hardly move. Luckily I can feel my wand in my hand.

"Remember that Mudblood, next time you try to stand against the dark lord." Laughing they all start to move away.

With all the energy left in my body I shoot a random curse at the group. I hear one cry out and see them start to fall but then Bellatrix turns around and my attention goes to her.

"You filthy Mudblood!" She screams and shoots a curse out of her wand.

I feel a slash across my collarbone, "I was going to let you live but now you'll bleed to death slowly."

She laughs before sending another curse at me. This time it hits my leg I cry out but don't have enough energy to move.

It's cold but I can feel the warmth seeping out of my body slowly onto the floor. I don't know how long I've been like this but I'm in too much pain to care.

The cruciatus curse makes my body feel like it's on fire, making it impossible for me to move.

"Lily?" Someone's shouting, I see a light and close my eyes against it. "Lily is that you?" It's James. I want to shout but I can't the screaming I did still hurts.

"Oh my Merlin. Lily" the light is coming closer and I try to move away but I can't.

"Lily." This time the voice is right above me, "we need to get you to the hospital wing."

Slowly I open my eyes and see his panic face, which normally gives me butterflies but it's like my body is too tired to even do that.

I have to tell him, "Bell - atri -x" I croak out, "in castle."

"I don't care Lily you need help." He then scoops me up into his arms and pulls me to his chest. I want to protest, I want to tell him to get her but I can't, I feel myself slipping.

"Oh my, what's happened?" The voice is female and sounds distressed.

"I found her on the floor on the 5th floor. She said something about Bellatrix being in the castle before passing out." He sounds worried.

"Put her on the bed and we'll see what's happened." I feel myself being lowered, being taken away from the warmth. I want to hold on but once again in too weak.

A slight tickle runs through my body before I hear a gasps, "the cruciatus curse."

Suddenly I hear running before I'm lifted up slightly and a sweet liquid is poured into my mouth.

The fire starts to cool down, not completely but it's a lot better than before.

"What about the cuts?" James asks and I feel a warm hand placed on my head.

"I don't know what type of curse they are. I can stop the bleeding but it's too dangerous to try and use magic to heal them. They have to heal the muggle way." The woman comments, who I'm guessing is Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm going to alert the head teacher. You should get to bed."

I feel the hand austere to leave and panic, "no." I cry and grab the hand. The body protest but I need him here.

There's a pause where I'm guessing he looks to Madam Pomfrey before the bed sinks down a bit.

I smile slightly and move closer to the warmth, "it's okay Lily. You're fine. You're safe." As he mumbles comforting words I fall to sleep.


	5. What did James want?

**AN: JUST A SHORT CHAPTER TODAY, SORRY POSTING SLOW I'VE GOT MY FIRST GCSE IN 6 DAYS AND ITS BEEN NONSTOP REVISION.**

 **I HOPE YOU LIKE IT JUST A LITTLE BIT OF FLUFF TO SET UP FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS.**

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I woke up this morning to James trying to leave for class, i blushed a lot as I remembered asking him to stay but I thanked him none the less. He said it was nothing - even though i knew he had to be in pain from the way he slept - and gave me a hug before going off to class.

Lessons have just finished and i knew my friends would be coming up to see me. I never miss lessons unless I'm in the hospital wing so I knew they know where I am.

"Hey Lily are you okay?" It's Alice.

"Yeah Alice i am." i smile as I see her walk around the curtain Madam Pomfrey put up to stop students from staring at me.

"Are you sure?" she looks worried as she sits on the chair beside my bed, "it was the cruciatus curse Lily, no way you can be just fine."

"I'm guessing James told you then?" I question and she nods.

"We were all wonder what happened when you were both missing from the head dorm this morning. James told us what happened but said you were asleep and not to bother you. Madam Pomfrey said you needed rest. He didn't tell us how he found you but he looked so out of it we can only guess how terrible it must have been last night."

"I'm fine really. Or I will be, it's the cuts that bother me more than anything." i show her the one on my neck and she winces as i motion for her to look at the one on my leg.

"Dumbledore is furious." She told me, "but there's nothing that can be done as he doesn't know which students were involved. However he has tightened the security of the school and is now trying to find out how Bellatrix got in."

"None of them spoke, only her." i tell her.

"Anyway i collected your homework for today. The professors didn't want to give it to me and i had to tell them i would be in the hospital wing right beside you if they didn't hand them over." Alice laughed and i joined in. It felt good.

"How's everyone else?" i ask.

"You mean James?" She asked smiling at me, i blush but don't deny it, "through the day he looked bad. Kind of like he had seen his worst nightmare come true or he'd just seen his family killed right before his eyes."

I heart clenches, "Really? I must have been horrible for him."

"Really Lily? You were attacked and you're worried about James."

"I'd be worried about you too if you would have been the one of find me. I must have looked half dead with blood all over me and lying like I was."

"Probably why he looked so out of it."

We talked a bit longer about nothing really, just trying to lighten the mood. After while though Alice got up.

"Okay. I've got to go do some homework…"

"You mean snog Frank."

"...so I'll come back to see you later."

"Bye Alice." I call after her. After a moment I turn to start my homework when I hear it.

"Knock knock." It's a voice and it causes me to giggle. "Come in."

Then James steps through, "Hey Lily. You are feeling any better?" He asks.

I smile, "almost back to normal." I tell him as he sits down, "but I'm sorry about last night."

"Lily in no way was that your fault."

"I mean asking you to stay. I wasn't fair and I don't know what came over me." I'm blushing but I can't help it.

"It's fine Lily. You probably just didn't want to be alone."

"No it's still not fair on you and I shouldn't have."

"If it meant you slept easier or were comfortable I couldn't care less." I look up to his face at that but he's looking down.

"Thank you so much." I tell him hoping he would look up at me. Slowly his head rises. I smile at him and then smile wider when he smiles back.

"Lily, erm- will. Do you. Would you - go to. Hogsmeade with me - next Saturday?" He sounds so unsure - so un-James-like.

"Yes!" I blurt out, "I mean yeah. That would be great. If you don't mind I mean. You could go with your mates or someone else if you want to."

"Wait. Yes." He looks shocked, "you'll go with me."

I blush and nod a small smile on my face, "I'd love to." I tell him.

He's just about to carry on when some of the other girls come around the corner.

"Oh hi Lily. James?" It's Mary and she sounds really confused.

"I'll see you later Lily." James tells me getting up.

"Bye" I reply with a smile as he walks off.

"What on earth was that?" Mary asks as soon as the door closes.


	6. Why didn't you tell us you had a date?

**AN: SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED, MY GCSEs START TOMORROW AND I'M FREEKING OUT**

 **JUST TO MAKE THAT WORSE IVE SOME HOW CAUGHT A COLD SO NOT A GREAT TIME**

 **JUST A SHORT CHAPTER HERE**

 **HOPE YOU ENJOY**

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It's Saturday morning and I still haven't told anyone about my date with James. Not even Alice. However I can also guess by the way that Sirius is acting that James hasn't told any of his friends either.

All week I've been acting like a fool in front of him: blushing, dropping things, just making really ridiculous mistakes.

The only problem now is that I have no clue what to wear and can't exactly ask for help because nobody knows.

I'm about to scream when my prayers are answered, "Lily? Why didn't you come up to the dorm?"

Crap, normally on a Hogsmeade visit I get ready with the other girls in the dorm to keep up tradition. Normally however I just grab the first pieces of clothing I see and don't care but I can't do that today.

"There you are - wow. What in the name of Merlin's flaming underwear happened here?" I just groan as I look at the mess which is my room.

"Lily, what up?" She asks pulling me up. I've only been out of the hospital wing for 3 days and everyone has been acting like I may collapse at any time.

I sit on the edge of the bed and look up at her slowly, "I've got a date with James today and I have no clue what to wear and I'm so nervous but excited and I didn't tell anyone so I couldn't ask for help. I don't know why I didn't tell anyone I guess I was embarrassed enough at my actions as it was without anyone else knowing. But I've got to meet him in a hour and I've not even eaten breakfast."

"Lily calm down. I'm going to head out for one second and I'll be back okay."

I just nod as she backs out of the door.

It's not even 5 minutes later when she walk back through the door with Mary, Amelia and Victoria, "how's this for help?" She smiles as the girl start to sort through the room.

I'm sitting down as Mary curls my hair when Sophie walks in with a plate of toast, "you're a lifesaver" I tell her as she passes me the plate.

"When did you start to like James?" Amelia questions me from the other side of the room.

"You mean when did she start to love him?" Alice corrects and I want to slap her.

"Love!" Mary shouts.

"Ow and will you keep it down. We do share this area." I hush them and brush it off but it's not working. They're all staring at me like I've just told them Merlin rose from the grave dressed in a sexy Santa costume.

"Fine then I'll just get ready myself." I tell them but as I try to get up Mary pulls me back down.

"Tell now." They demand as Alice smiles from behind them.

"I don't know. I only realised three weeks ago and then he asked me to Hogsmeade last week after I was attacked."

"Wait you mean when we walked up on Saturday and you were with James and you told us nothing happened he just came to see if you were okay he asked you out." Sophie pushes.

"Well really he did come to check on me so it wasn't a lie. He just also asked me out." I feel my cheeks getting warm.

"I can't believe." Alice said. "I can't believe you kept your date from us all."

"Well what did you expect when I've been making a fool of myself all week." I try.

Mary starts to laugh, "you mean all the ink bottles you knocked and food you dropped was because of Potter."

"Yes" I mumble. My face must be darker than my hair.

"Come on guys she'll be late if we don't hurry." Amelia suddenly speaks up and I sigh in relief.

It's almost half an hour later when I'm finally done. After a bit of convincing I've ended up in a blue vest top, which I didn't want to wear as it shows my cut across my collarbone off. Some dark black jean and a grey cardigan over the top.

I smile at what they have done with bouncy curls in my hair and light makeup. "Thank you guys." I hug them all before Alice gives me a pair of ballet flats.

"Just go have fun." They tell me as we walk out of the room.

I'm meeting James down at the front entrance but every step in that direction is making me more nervous. "Calm down Lily. I bet you're going to have a great time, just enjoy it." Mary tells me before they stop and motion for me to walk down the stairs by myself.


	7. Date And Attack!

**AN: BIG CHAPTER HERE**

 **NOT MUCH TO SAY SO JUST ENJOY AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK**

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"I really don't get it Lily. Are you sure people actually believe this?" James looked really confused.

"Yes, children!" I try not to but I can't stop myself from laughing, "you're a wizard but you can't get your head around Santa Clause. Really?"

"It's doesn't make sense. One man giving everyone presents in one night! I know muggles were weird but this has got to be a lie."

"Really James. I promise you it's the truth. Children are told it until they get older and then they learn the truth but if any children ask about Santa you say he does exist."

He looked at me for a moment before nodding, "okay. I'll trust."

I just shake my head, "where do you want to go first?"

"How about Honeydukes?" He suggests and I agree. I need more chocolate.

"What's your favorite?" i ask as we walk into the shop, it's filled with students just like always.

"Sugar Quills." he answers, "You?"

I have to think about it for a moment, "Anything with chocolate." i answers and he chuckles, "i think i can guess." he says motioning down to my arms which are filled with chocolate.

I try not to but i can't help but blush, "i guess i am a bit of a chocoholic." i giggle myself as we carry on around the shop.

"Should we go get something to drink?" i ask as we leave the shop.

"Yeah." he smiles and we head over to the three broomsticks.

"You know most people try to take me to Madam Puddifoot's." i tell him as we enter the overcrowded bar.

"Yeah." he laughs, "i remember last year when Diggory tried to take you there last year and you punched his nose when he said that it was the place that every girl wanted to go."

I laugh too at the memory, "he was a pig."

"What was it like getting your Hogwarts letter?" James asked me once we had sat down at a little table in the back.

"Weird. Disbelieving. Amazing. Unreal." i tell him, "you know where you are going to go and wait for that letter whilst my dad tried to attack the owl with letter with a broom." i laugh at the memory as my sister and mother dive under the table.

"Really?" i half laughs half chokes on his drink.

"Yep." i say popping the p.

"What was it like growing up in the muggle world?" He questions.

"What was it like growing up in the wizarding world?" i fire back.

He raises an eyebrow, "i guess i really don't know how to answer that."

"Exactly, i can't answer that because to me growing up in the muggle world was normal." i explain.

"I get it." he nods slowly.

I take a sip of my drink, "what do you want to do when you get older?" i ask him. A few months ago the idea of learning more about James repulsed me but now i can't help but want to know.

"I want to be an auror." He said simply and without hesitation, "i want to be able to help out, especially with the war. I want to fight against Voldemort and make the world a safe place for my children." He sounds so passionate and firm.

"You said Voldemort." i state, "i don't think I've met anyone other than Dumbledore who actually says his name."

"It's stupid really, not to say the name, what good does that do for anyone. It just gives him what he wants. Our fear."

I smile and nod. "What about you?" he asks.

"I want to be a healer. I want to help in the war but not completely on the war front. I want to help the innocent as well as the heros." I say.

"You'd be a great healer." He tells me before we change subjects to lighter topics.

The day is going great, we are on our third round of drinks and still talking but i don't think i've ever had a better Hogsmeade weekend.

"Have you ever had any pets?" i ask him.

"I once caught a baby Hippogriff and i tried to hide him in my room but my mum came in one morning and found him on my bed. I asked her if we could keep it but she said no and i made me give it away. We gave it to Hagrid to look after. I was eight." i laugh as i imagine him trying to hide the Hippogriff from his mother.

"What about y-?" James starts to ask however his question is interrupted by many cracking sounds outside followed by screaming,

We look at each other for a second before shooting to our feel and running outside. It is chaos, spells flying everywhere. Some people are trying to flight while 3rd years and trying to get inside of different shops.

There are a few small groups of death eaters standing everywhere, each going after their own targets. I run towards a group of younger students who are starting to struggle. It doesn't take long for the death eater to go down but after tying him up i go over to the student - some who are badly injured.

Most of the fighting has already finished with the death eaters starting to leave. I begin to relax before i hear i high pitched cackle which makes my blood run cold - Bellatrix. Quickly i look up only to have my heart stopped, its James she's fighting.

I watch wanting to run forward but unable to as my body is frozen in fear. I keep my eyes locked on him but suddenly a wave of people move in front of my line of vision and i can't see passed them.

I start to run into the crowded - most of them seem to be aurors but i don't care as i try to get through them but i can't. It seems like the fighting has started up again and I'm in the middle of it.

Curses are flying everywhere; people are falling to the ground. It's like time has slowed down as it fight for my life while trying to help others that need it.

I'm starting to tire when i start to hear the distinct sound of apparition. The black starts the leave the sea of people, once most have gone i get to see why, Dumbledore is standing there fighting against a group of them, which includes Bellatrix.

James. Where is he?

I start to push through the people again but i have no clue where he will be, its feels like forever before i hear my name being called. "Lily!" It's not James but Alice. She's with all the girls, Frank and the Marauders excluding James.

"Where is he?" i shout as i run up to them.

"We don't know." Sirius sounds panicked, "i was fighting with him against Bellatrix but someone hit me from behind and i was knocked out."

Uncharacteristically i hug Sirius before i turn away. "I've got to find him." i tell them. I go to run but someone catches my arm.

"Lily we have to get up to the castle so it's easier for them to find everyone." Remus explains. I want to protest and go to find him but i know it's no use - the aurors will send me back.

Slowly we start to head back, out of everyone i seem to be the least injured so it's slow progress as we walk our way up the path to the castle.

Once we get back i can see everyone gathering in the great hall. We silently go in, all thinking about where James will be.

The whole school sits there for hours, quietly taking trying to help anyone that needs the injures looked at and sending the worst cases up the Madam Pomfrey. I go around healing as many student as i can, trying to distract myself from thinking about James, but its not working and eventually i have to give up.

The number of student coming into the hall now is slowing down, luckily it seems like pretty much all of the student have at least passed through the door however James has still not shown up.

My friends are all now dosing on each other's shoulders however i can't. I need to see James before i can relax.

It feels as though my heart hasn't beat since i last saw him. My chest throbs and my eyes sting but i sit there staring at the door. I just want to tell him i love him and then shout at him for fighting Bellatrix when he could have been killed.

I don't know how long i sat there before i door opens and James walks in.


	8. I love you

**AN: HERES THE END**

 **I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE STORY**

 **I KNOW IT HASNT BEEN MUCH BUT IVE ENJOYED WRITING IT AND JUST TAKING BRAKES FROM REVISION**

* * *

Before i can even process anything i am out of my chair running towards him. He doesn't look too bad, a slight cut at his temple but he's standing fine.

It felt like forever before I finally reach him. I want to jump into his arm and make sure that he's really here but I don't know how injured he really is and I don't want to hurt him so I force myself to stop.

"Are you okay?" I blurt out and I grab both side of his face, "what were you thinking going after Bellatrix? She could have killed you." I'm talking too fast that I'm not sure if he will understand me but I don't care.

Before he can even think to speak or I can't think I've pulled his face down to mine and I kiss him.

It's forceful and desperate but I don't care I need him to know how much I care about him. I want him to understand how scared he made me feel, how helpless. I want him to know that I love him.

I don't know how long we kissed for as he deepened the kiss and I happily let him.

Eventually we both have to breathe mean we have to pull away.

Slowly our lips separate but I don't let him and he doesn't blurry to straighten up and we push our foreheads against each other.

"I love you Lily." He breaths.

"I love you too." I tell him and I smile. We briefly kiss again before finally pulling apart however I don't let him completely go as I keep a hold of his hand.

"Padfoot, are you okay?" James asks as we walk up to the group.

Without a second everyone has stood up and grabbed James - and coincidentally me - into a hug.

"I didn't realised I would cause this much stress." James chuckles as people start to release him.

"You have no idea." Sirius said seriously (had to sorry. Not sorry), "We were all worried, none as much as Lily though." He says as he nods in my direction.

James smiles and pulls me close to him wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'm fine. I kept fighting after you went down mate but eventually she got better than me. However she must have thought she had hit me in the chest. She didn't, she missed luckily otherwise I might have been…"

"Please don't." I cut off looking at him. He nods and looks around.

"Thankfully nobody was killed." He said and we breathe out.

We sit down and talk about random topics as we wait to be told we are allowed to go to the common rooms. Finally however we are told we can leave, James and I hang back as we wait for the younger students to leave.

"I'm sorry for worrying you." James whispers in my ear.

"You will be." I smile up at him just happy to have him back with me.

"You know the war is only going to get worse. People are going to get killed." He's looking me straight in the eye and I match his gaze.

"As long as you're with me, it doesn't matter." I tell him before stretching into my toes and giving him another kiss.


End file.
